7 Biblical Steps To Restoring A Relationship
I got this at a book The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. This doesn’t only apply to couples but also to families, friends, and others whom you have known and have conflicts with. Share ko lang this short part from the book. This will be a huge help as much as I do. Great book.
1. TALK TO GOD BEFORE TALKING TO THE PERSON
Discuss the problem with God. If you will pray about the conflict first instead of gossiping to a friend, you will often discover that either God changes your heart or he changes the other person without your help.
2. ALWAYS TAKE THE INITIATIVE
It doesn’t matter whether you are the offender or the offended: God expects you to make the first move. Don’t wait for the other party. Go to them first. Don’t procrastinate, make excuses, or promise “I’ll get around to it someday.” In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes the hurt to fester.
3. SYMPHATIZE WITH THEIR FEELINGS
Use your ears more than your mouth. Before attempting to solve any disagreement you must first listen to people’s feelings. Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions. Don’t try to talk to people out of how they feel at first. Just listen and let them unload emotionally without being defensive. Nod that you understand even when you don’t agree. Feelings are not always true or logical. In fact, resentment makes us act and think in foolish ways. It is a sacrifice to patiently absorb the anger of others, especially if it’s unfounded. But remember, this is what Jesus did for you.
4. CONFESS YOUR PART OF THE CONFLICT
If you are serious about restoring a relationship, you should begin with admitting your own mistakes or sin. Also ask God to show you how mush of the problem is your fault. Confession is a powerful tool for reconciliation. When you begin to humbly admitting your mistakes, it defuses the other person’s anger and disarms their attack because they were probably expecting you to be defensive. Don’t make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
5. ATTACK THE PROBLEM, NOT THE PERSON
You cannot fix the problem if you’re consumed with fixing the blame. You will never get your point across by being cross, so choose your words wisely. In resolving conflict, how you say it is as important as what you say. If you say it offensively, it will be received defensively. Nagging never works. You are never persuasive when you’re abrasive. For the sake of fellowship, you must destroy your arsenal of relational nuclear weapons, including condemning, belittling, comparing, labeling, insulting, condescending, and being sarcastic.
6. COOPERATE AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
Peace always has a price tag. Sometimes it costs our pride; it often costs our self-centeredness. For the sake of fellowship, do your best to compromise, adjust to others, and show preference to what they need.
7. EMPHASIZE RECONCILIATION, NOT RESOLUTION
It is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything. Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem. We can reestablish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our difference. We can disagree without being disagreeable. Reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not the necessary issue.